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If you ever get the troubles of being the new Bret Easton Ellis and you accidentally pull an ‘R. Kelly’ - you rang the belly ring of an underaged groupie - then I’d suggest you hold a press conference. White walls, your sponsor on the back wall, a dozen of microphones in front of you. And when the journalists fire their questions, you answer them briefly with a common grin. “What did you expect from a guy like me?” Show an unhealthy dose of disdain during the two second pauzes. And after half an hour, when you hit that point when you know all is lost and everybody in the room dislikes you from the bottom of their hearts, and you know this episode will stick like summer bubblegum, put on Deer. Put on Persian Strippers or Rats and blast it through the gurgling speakers. And while the music explodes like an Antonioni movie and the white press room is filled questions marks, you gaze, grin, step up and leave the room.

In slow motion.

Don’t forget to put on your sunglasses while standing up.

In slow motion.

But to be more realistic, I play Deer whenever I have to do the dishes.

By Ringo gomez Jorge


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